It’s like a bad dream. You are stuck at a party you didn’t ask for by people you didn’t invite and they are in charge of the food you eat for the next four years. The last one brought hummus, which was nice for a change. Some people complained they didn’t like hummus. Others cheered it was better than all the old stuff. Still others grew weary of hummus after a while.
Then it was time to choose a new dip. We could stick with hummus or we could switch to shit (yes, actual shit for dip). Well, there had been a lot of criticism about hummus and at times, I’ll admit hummus was getting a little old, but SHIT??! What kind of option was that? Besides being a disgusting suggestion, it was laughable that anyone would consider shit for dip on any charcuterie board. It would obviously ruin the whole thing.
I can’t explain how we went from arguing the merits of shit over hummus, but for over three years we have been choking on this shit and it is time to “choose” a different menu. So, what’ll it be?
The kitchen is shuffling around some suspicious dishes that don’t smell right. The choices are being presented. The guys who brought the shit are cooking something up, but who can trust them? You know it will just be more of the same ole shit. They’ve thawed out leftover hummus from the deep freeze. I’ll admit it is a relief from the shit, but I must ask, is that really our only choice? (As if we are really choosing anything) Hummus or shit? Really?
I was not consulted about the rules. I did not agree to play this game. It is time to stand up and demand a cheeseburger togo. I leave this absurd arena to the fools who created it.
Hummus and $h#!T